Editorial: If Global Warming is True, Why Doesn't It Match My Experiences in Wisconsin

By Craig Esterbere

Listen up you liberal hippies. I'm here to fire a shot across the bow of your so-called theory of global warming. So you're saying that man-made causes are contributing to a global rise in temperature. Well, I've got news for you: last winter was one of the coldest I've ever lived through and it didn't even make it to one hundred degrees this summer.I'm saying  nearly froze my balls off cold. I don't care if you've got leftist boo-hockey explaining how rising temperatures in the Pacific leads to colder winters near Milwaukee. As far as I'm concerned, the only proper metric for scientific theories is my personal experience. It's like when those socialist bastards talk about Africa! Oh, there's a continent across the ocean with millions of people living on it and you've got maps and pictures and so-called proof it exists? Nice try, I've never seen it. If Nigeria is truly an oil producing country in Western Africa, why haven't I bathed in the waters of the Niger River? The Central African Republic isn't even a creative name for a country, you communists! Who the fuck would construct massive stone pyramids for their rulers and the rulers' cats salted remains and why did the liberal media establishment think I would fall for such a terrible backstory for this "Egypt"? It's an insult to my intellect to even suggest shit like this. Next time big government ninnies want to construct a well supported scientific theory the world should believe, I've got an idea for you: consult my life in and around Waukesha, Wisconsin.